| Mar. 24th, 2006 @ 10:35 am (no subject) |
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| So I woke up this morning feeling very alone. I don't know why either. It's just a feeling that comes over me from time to time. Maybe it's waking up to an empty, quiet house without Amber lying next to me. I wish I knew why. I won't be alone in a few hours though, but in this moment the feeling of loneliness is overbearing. I need to stop thinking about it. That would probably do me some good. I think way too much about everything; from people, to life plans, to past experiences, to the future, to what the fuck we're all here for, etc.,etc.,etc., the list goes on for years. It's nice when the mental process takes a breather, where instead of thinking you take in what's going on around you. It could be the smallest of details; ranging from a slight breeze outside, to how complex the twists and turns of tree branches are. Most of the people including myself) never think about that. We're all so consumed by our own little bubbles that we forget about the life that lives beyond our cocoons. There is a whole world breathing and living outside of us, away from us, yet it's so close we can all taste it. It's when we let that electricity in that makes us feel alive. It's when we clock out of our norms and break free from the regular. When life sparks it creates art. For the sheer moment of that minute we aren't watching life, we're living it. It's funny though, because even too much of that enchanting feeling will burn out a person. I guess balance is pretty necessary for most organisms. That's something I can relate to. I also realize that when it all boils down it to, a person will only be left with two or three really good friends in their lifetime. I'm fairly certain I know who mine are right now, but there's no telling if I'll meet anyone new now or later. I have Mr. Brightside in my head right now. There's something about that song that really gets to me. I think to most people it's an average pop song, but the melodies and lyrics in that song touch me. "I just can't look, it's killing me". That line is a line that spoke to me from past experiences I've had. When an action caused by someone else is eating away at you so much to the point of not even being able to look at it; that's heavy. Maybe I'm too sentimental, maybe I care too much. I just value my personal relationships more than a lot of people I know I guess. Sometimes though, people drift apart from each other, so there's no point in trying to force what once was, just let it takes its course. My mind doesn't think in terms of money, it thinks in terms of fulfillment and experiences. I should probably be more concerned with a career, but I'm not. I want a simple existence of friends, my future wife, and creating. I want to be in a band with one of my best friends and I hope when the time is right, it happens. I believe in him and I think he believes in me too. That's vital to any friendship. I don't want to take over the world, I just want to create freely, express myself, and have other people actually get something from it. Not; "Yeah, man. It sounds good". I'm talking people being moved by what I’m doing. If I could ever achieve that, I would be happy. Inspiration is a powerful thing, not to be tampered with or taken for granted, but held, nurtured, and used for its true purpose; to motivate, to create, to act, to invent. I hope that people read this entry in its entirety. I know it's long and I know it's pretty incoherent, but it's me and if I didn't want anyone to read this I wouldn't be writing it. I love my friends, my girlfriend, and my family. Never will any of you be taken for granted. I mean that. |
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rickdube's journal
tired
bored
calm
irritated
indescribable
pessimistic
artistic
surprised
good
lonely
horny
drained
awake
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